flowerfrick:

last night my boyfriend was very upset and tired and when i asked him what is wrong all he told me was “i just want joe biden to think i have potential” and kept crying

marowakingoff:

remember the three R’s

  1. reduce reblog my selfie
  2. reuse reblog my selfie
  3. recycle reblog my selfie
iwannagiveyousomethingbetter:

If you don’t like musicals, you should remember that Cosette, Miranda Priestley, James Bond, Leonard’s mom, Dr. Erik Selvig, Howard Stark, Molly Weasley and Mr. Darcy sing Abba songs in Greece.

trust:

finally a career for me

image

tylenold:

why would there be 99 bottles of beer on the wall in the first place

princesswitchy:

My whole family assumes I’m straight and it’s like if I say anything like “wow that girl is so pretty” they’re like “you’re pretty too don’t compare yourself’ like no mom the only thing I’m comparing is the width between her legs and how well I could fit.

hijerking:

oops
this is really important

reallylameblog:

everyone go tweet “but you are an entire universe and i am a bigger cooler universe where everyone skateboards” please do this it’s very important

newlists:

Your fiancé tries to develop a new energy source to make profit for his struggling college.
He misses your wedding due to rapid progress with his latest experiment. 
It’s a ball of bouncy green rubber that accelerates to ridiculous speeds, causing wacky hijinks to ensue. 
While you are estranged from him due to the wedding goof, his robot assistant starts coming on really weird and heavy
Like the robot is trying to make out with your fiancé in his sleep it’s kinda messed up
Although you’re getting together with his research partner but like, that’s way less messed up because he is neither a robot nor Robin Williams
Anyway Robin your true love successfully utilises the green stuff in a basketball match.
The jilted robot wrecks his home with the same green stuff. 
You’re won over by the remarkable properties of this flying rubber, and possibly also your love of money. 
Obviously dastardly people are after it, motivated also by love of money. Everyone wants some wacky green shit in their lives.
The robot is tragically lost in the battle to save the rubber from theft.
Luckily, the robot made a backup of herself. The back-up hits on your husband AGAIN
True love and goodness win out in the end, the rubber is retrieved.
You make SO MUCH CA$H MONEY
Also get married 
The robot is rebuilt, kinda! You still don’t trust her though that’s one homewrecking skank of a robot. 
You go to Hawaii
You just described the plot of Flubber
Don’t date a scientist